Hi, my name is Patricia. Both to Haitian parents in Brentwood, New York. I grew up in a Christian home. My father was a security guard and my mother was a hotel housekeeper and home attendant at the time. Coming from poor homes in Haiti, my parents came to the U.S wanting to achieve the “American Dream”. They worked very hard to climb up as they tried to create a stable home for my sister and I. I could write more about their journey as it would give you a better understanding of mine…but we would be here all day. What you should know..and what I’ve come to understand now is, my parents did they best that they could. No, things were not perfect in our home but I’ve come to accept things as they are and appreciate the hand my upbringing had in the person I am today.
I’d like to begin in 2009, when I started uploading videos on Youtube of me covering my favorite songs. I was in college at the time, studying nursing. I was far away from home. Far from my parents and for the first time in my life I had to figure out who I was exactly outside of my parents, my church, my friends, and everything else that was comfortable. I was reserved, unsure, uncomfortable, and insecure. On top of that, college brought me challenges, challenges I had never experienced before.
It all started with a terrible heart break. One that left me depressed and questioning everything and everyone that I had ever known. Then my dad lost his job which created financial difficulty at home. Being such a family person, it was difficult seeing my family so down. Lastly, my health started acting up. This is when my struggle with an auto-immune disease started which I’ll probably discuss in a later post. ER visits became common and it was all becoming to much. It was during that time that I found myself at my lowest point EVER. I was stressed out, had poor eating habits (lost 15 lbs unintentionally), I was even loosing my hair, and started to have panic attacks. I was mad at people, I was mad at God, and I was even mad at myself.
One night, I went to my living room to do my daily devotion..preparing for prayer (as mad as I was with God, I never spent to long without praying. Somewhere deep inside I think I knew that He really was the only person I really had). At this point, I isolated myself from most of the people in my life, my grades were slipping, and I had become very depressed. I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water. Have you ever felt like that? I opened up my hymnal and began singing one of my favorite hymns, “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus”. Uncontrollable tears began running down my face. As I sang, I realized that the song felt so foreign. I couldn’t relate to the words. As I sang, I was faced with the reality that I had gotten to the point where I did’t trust even God. The only hope I had, I lost. THAT feeling of hopelessness was unbearable. Pain that I couldn’t describe. But in that moment, as I sat there crying, I felt a heavy sense of warmth in my soul. I would describe it as that big hug you get from grandma after she put a band-aid on the scrape that you got from falling off of your bicycle. In that moment, He said to me “I am here and I’m not leaving.” That moment changed me.
As horrible as that time in my life was for me. It was through this dark time that I truly learned who God is…I started to see God differently. In turn, I started to transform. God isn’t far but close. God isn’t in one place but everywhere. He’s even in me. God’s children aren’t those in church but those who call Him Lord. He isn’t just the Creator but He’s a Friend. He became my only friend. The only one I could trust. The only one I could talk to. The only one who truly cared.
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ike I mentioned earlier, my hair had become falling out. My hair became so thin and so short. I was encouraged by my roommate at the time to go natural. So I decided to research it, how does one “go natural”? If you didn’t know, most Americans of African descent relax or chemically straightened their hair. Naturally, we have a coarse and/or curly textured hair. However in order to make our hair more “manageable” or “aesthetically pleasing” , a lot of us “relax” our hair using a chemical process. A lot of us did not remember what our natural hair looked like because every 6-8 weeks for a long as we could remember we chemically straightened it. Getting back to your natural beauty is a beautiful thing, for many, an surprising road to self discovery.
Though the process had already begun within me, my natural hair journey definitely played an important role in supporting this transformation. So I started documenting my journey. I stopped uploading videos of me singing and started uploading “natural hair” videos to Youtube. One morning, I woke up and decided to chop all of my hair off and eventually grew beautiful kinky curly hair, my hair. The journey did not end there.
I graduated from school, started traveling, and started to experience life fully. Eventually, I learned that I wasn’t to live my life “just like everyone else”. I knew that I was meant more. I was meant for something different. I realized how blessed I was with so many different gifts. How was I to use them for God’s glory while creating an empire for me, my family, and my children to come? Jack of all trades? Master of none? How?
As I changed, so did my channel. As I grew spiritually, I could not help but share this on what I referred to as my “natural hair” channel. I eventually read a booked that changed the game for me. I read “Write it Down, Make it Happen.” It challenged my thinking. What would happen if I expanded my thinking? What would happen if I removed boundaries from my mind? What would happen if I changed my thinking? What would happen if I dreamed big again? Great things, that’s what. Then I started reading other books from authors such as Eckhardt Tolle, Michael A. Singer, and Miguel Ruiz. Books that taught me how to control the Ego. Books that taught me to the power of energy. Studying Quantum Physics also helped me to expand my understanding. I created my “affirmation playlist”, hung up positive quotes, started meditating on a regular basis, praying regularly, and began focusing on positive thoughts and emitting positive energy.
So that’s where I am today, I create motivation, spiritual, and lifestyle videos on Youtube now. I love it. Its kind of interesting that my channel has evolved as I have. I am now a masters prepared nurse educator and leader. I am a business owner and coach. However, I by no means have “arrived”. I’m still a work in progress. I believe that there is so much more out there for me. The same is for you. Remove those mental boundaries and see where God takes you. This by no means EVERYTHING there is to know..but that is what this blog is for. I want to share my journey in written form. I’ll elaborate on this story and share new developments as we journey together.