monachopsis

n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place

You mean…it has a name? It’s a “thing”?

As  a kid, I was extremely shy..I hated being the center of attention..having eyes on me made me painfully uncomfortable. Yes, it was a part of my nature to be a bit reserved or quiet…but this was more than just that. My low self-esteem exaggerated these natural traits. I lost my voice.

So I went on a journey to find it. To get to know me…my likes, dislikes, values, and direction. I set out to gain confidence and deal with the things that were bringing my spirits down and making me feel unsure about myself. That process wasn’t easy but I put in the work. Though there is still work to do…I’m proud of where I am…far from being that little shy girl who prayed no one would notice her.

You know…I’ve ALWAYS felt “different”. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t like everyone else in some way. At first, I thought that was a bad thing…that I was different. However, I’ve learned that those are the very same things that make me unique. They make me who I am. I wasn’t made to be like every one else. And now? I’m okay with that.