Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the woman that you see right here..
It was my 2nd..or maybe 3rd year of college when I met him. Yes HIM..the best worse thing to happen to me. He was different. It was something about him. It wasn’t just because he was dark and handsome. Yea…that helped lol. But it was because he made me feel different. He made me laugh. We were connected. It was natural…we didn’t have to force it. Its like my heart knew him already.It wasn’t to long before I dove head first into love. Few were the moments that I was not thinking of him. I saw us growing old together. I saw us having children together and building a life together. I became us. His goals became my goals. I wanted nothing but greatness for him and I took pride in cheering him on. Together, we could conquer the world. Or so I thought.
After awhile I started to feel like something was wrong. He was telling me everything I wanted to hear. We spent plenty of time together. We even met each other’s family and started planning our future together. I should have felt closer to him but I didn’t. There was some blockage there. Something was off. Something was wrong. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I was sure of it.
This feeling took over. Soon enough I was doing things I had never done before. I was snooping and spying. Desperately trying to find an answer. Something that would explain why I felt the way that I did. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. That wasn’t me. I was going through his phone. Paying to much attention to his social media. And that’s just he beginning of it! Though I still couldn’t shake the feeling, I had to let it go. Stop the madness. After all this is supposed to be built on trust, right?
So I decided to put those thoughts and feelings aside and move forward. I was successful at doing so even though I felt unsettled. Eventually I received a call that changed everything. Your man is cheating is what she said. I barely remember that conversation now. All I saw was red. I hung up the phone and cried. I cried until I fell asleep.
It hurt. It hurt BAD. He betrayed me. EVERYONE DID. Everyone that I called friend. Everyone smiled in my face. Everyone pretended that they didn’t see. Everyone decided to stay out of it. Everyone decided that they’d rather watch him play me. Everyone decided that they didn’t care enough. Everyone chose him over me. THAT HURT. That hurt BAD.
I left him. Erased him from my life and I NEVER looked back.
My world crumbled. My relationship with this guy was over. Everything that I was hoping for that came along with that? OVER. Things weren’t good at home financially. I had trouble focusing in school. Then my body started to turn on me. I found myself in and out of the emergency room. Decreased appetite. Skin breakouts. A diagnosis wouldn’t come until a year later. My best moments were those first few moments just after you wake up. Those first moments where you don’t remember how bad everything is. Everything was good in those first few moments, but then you remember.
I literally hit rock bottom. But sometimes, that’s what it takes.
I remember praying one night. It had been awhile. Not because I didn’t want to but because I was mad at God. I sang a song that I used to hear in church, Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus. Then I started to praying. I remember thinking, I’m not sure I matter to you…I’m not sure that you can hear me…I have no where else to go…so I’m deciding to trust you. In that moment, I felt the warmest embrace that I have ever experienced. Then 3 words, I got you.
I heard them loud and clear. It was just what I needed, what I wanted to hear. It was this moment that began my spiritual journey. The day I started to know God in a different way. He became more than a provider. He became my friend, my comforter, my everything.
I remember asking Him why? Why did I have to go through that? God’s response to me, “I had you meet him so you could meet Me.” My response, “It was worth it.”